Creating loving relationships is a quest for many of us. Relationships with parents, family, friends, and those we encounter have an impact on our development as social beings. Let’s keep in consideration all relationships, but for this piece let’s focus on relationships with romantic partners.
Think back to your previous relationships, the ones that have had the greatest impact on you, and if the case, to the relationships where you were the one who was left. What’s the common feeling that you walked away with?
For most of us it’ll be the sour feeling of self-blame. Once the relationship ends and the anger, bitterness and sadness settle we start the game of blaming ourselves. We question the way we behaved, the texts we sent, the calls we made (too many, too late, too early!?), and begin concocting moments in which we could’ve acted differently. That famous “WHAT IF” phrase starts haunting us, and chases us down like a dog behind the wheels of a bike.
I have been there, time and time again. On both sides of the coin, in the times where I have felt as though I gave too much and was too vulnerable, to the ones where I thought “shit!!!! I was way too damn hard with that one!”. These feelings translate to relationships in which I was the one hurt, and then in relationships where I was the one to hurt. Nevertheless, the essence of them all, is that they each had opportunities for healing and learning- for me, and for them.
The Secret to Creating Loving Relationships
To embellish in the art of creating loving relationships we must understand the secret recipe in what appears to be an intricate affair. The secret really lies in the simplicity of it all. The secret lies in the freedom of honest and caring communication.
I have felt like if I continue to get my ass handed to me in relationships, which made me pause to become a bystander. A bystander so much of my own relationships, as well as of those of others. As I observe, what strikes me most is the absolute critical role of honest communication as the foundation for creating loving relationships.
This leads me to share a personal story with you. I was recently caught up in an emotional FUNK– one where I couldn’t seem to get myself out of but instead kept digging myself into deeper and deeper. During this time I sought an enlightening mentorship from Mark Groves. The game changer for me in this coaching was to recognize that we all experience traumas through relationships, beginning with our parents/ care takers, perhaps siblings, friends and other influential figures in our lives, and these are carried on and surface in our romantic relationships.
The Importance of Loving Relationships
We can use our relationships with our special others as healthy frameworks to heal. A great part of who we are and how we perceive the world, that is- our reality- is molded through our relationships.
We all have our own stories and realities. When we come together we can either make them smash with a hurtful “BAM” of misinterpretation, or we can make them dance to the melody of honest communication. Honest communication fosters a safe place where each partner can let the other know their state of mind. This promotes healing as neither person will have the need to go down the rabbit hole of “what ifs”. Each will be clear on the thoughts and feelings of the other.
Honest communication is a key to creating loving relationships. It gifts us with the chance to honour our feelings, as well as our partner’s. If we dance with the stories and realities of our partners, we can understand their steps and hurt, while they understand ours.
Honest communication in creating loving relationships will begin our healing, as well as our partners.
To sum it up- we are all in this world to evolve, share love, and have a positive impact. Relationships are a road to this.
Nurture honest communication. Nurture healing. Nurture loving relationships.
And of course, pull out your kiting gear and GET ON THE WATER. You will be sure to continue the process!